


A Slow Trainwreck, You'll Close Your Eyes But Forever Hear the Sound, and Boy, it's Tough

by mymemesareiconicmydepressionischronic



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Abusive Dave's Bro | Beta Dirk Strider, Abusive Parents, Dave Strider Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, POV Dave Strider, Rose Lalonde and Dave Strider are Siblings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-25
Updated: 2019-10-25
Packaged: 2021-01-02 21:40:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21168293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mymemesareiconicmydepressionischronic/pseuds/mymemesareiconicmydepressionischronic
Summary: what he was actually like – actually, actually, actually, because there’s no way he would actually do that to a kid(Please please please read the tags!!  This is from Dave's perspective and has a lot of personal doubt and unhealthy coping mechanisms.  Partially a vent, so it's all really vague and kind of relies on an unreliable narrator but shit is still mentioned and it's bad.)





	A Slow Trainwreck, You'll Close Your Eyes But Forever Hear the Sound, and Boy, it's Tough

Your name is Dave Strider and you are standing in front of the mirror in your apartment.  
You’re alone- Alone? Yes. You’re alone right now. At least, that’s what you’ve been repeating for the past half hour as you pace around in your bathroom.

For a while, you managed to avoid the urge to check in the bathroom – your bathroom, you remind yourself fruitlessly – but eventually you give in and tear everything apart, searching desperately for the camera you’re sure is there, or the dead puppet eyes you can feel burrowing into your skin like maggots.  
Your lips taste like that sick kind of copper that makes your stomach squirm, and you swear you didn’t mean to chew off all the scabs again and Rose is going to be so disappointed and Bro is going to see-

And then you stop. You just caught movement out of the corner of your eye. Is someone in your bathroom?  
Oh. It’s the mirror. For a moment you’re struck by an almost ridiculous wave of relief because of course you’re safe! You’re 25 – old enough to drink, thank god – and you’ve been away from Bro since you were a scrawny 16-year-old crying in the street.  
And then the relief is gone because… Are you sure that’s not Bro in the mirror? You honestly can’t really remember what he looks like, repressed memories and all that. You do remember a few main things though. His cold eyes, ironically a warm orange color – and his hands. His hands were large and scarred and he always seemed to have split knuckles.

Your eyes – red, so, so close to orange it makes you sick – drift down to your hands. Your wrists are scarred, your work not his, and blood is pooling just under the surface of your skin when you panicked and punched a wall earlier.  
It’s almost a perfect match, and you feel heard stomach lurch at the comparison and it’s just like when you first got drunk. Tears are rolling down your cheeks now, and despite how horrible the sight is you can’t seem to break away from the sight. Your logical brain, the one that Rose has drilled into you over years, says that you’re not like him.

And on the other hand, your lizard brain. It drowns out all rational thought most of the time, which sucks because you know you’re not in danger anymore. Your lizard brain says that without knowing what he was actually like – actually, actually, actually, because there’s no way he would actually do that to a kid, you’re imagining it you’re sure of it – you could be just like him.  
You’re not sure you can live with that possibility.

So you just let yourself detach from life. You slump down the ceramic white wall and sit heavily on the floor, eyes still locked on the mirror and the horrible man trapped inside.

You don’t know when you fall asleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Title is from Romeo & Juliet by Hobo Johnson


End file.
